New
#1
Dear WIN10 Developers
Could you please somehow increase the time it takes for my machine to upgrade from the WIN10 v1803 to v1809? See, I really feel that the longer it takes, the more I feel I'm getting out of it and the 6 hours (and counting) it's spent downloading, installing, and now sitting at 94% seems too short.
See how stupid that sounds?!?!? Why!?!?! Why doesn't it just work!??! I want Clipboard functionality!!! I want features but it just sits there, not doing anything!! I tried the "Update Troubleshooter" and found that it's just a bunch of fake news. I feel like it spoke to me in a silly goofy Jim Henson Muppet Show voice "Sorry Mr. BigNutz, everything seems ship shape to us down here in the Updates Troubleshoter department! Maybe try being super passive aggressive in the Microsoft Help Forums on the Interwebs! Yup Yup!"
Still not working but OH MY GOD IT MOVED TO 97%!!!!! I wonder if this update is like getting closer to a black hole's event horizon, you know, exponential in nature. The closer I get to being finished, the slower time progresses until I'm sitting there staring at a 99% Complete for the rest of eternity? Make sure to note the exact time I appear to freeze and not move anymore, that's what Einstein said would happen, so it will. So if so, I estimate I'l flip to 98% at some point in mid-2019, and then 99% a short decade later! AWESOME.
Seriously, developers, I checked the processes, I even throttled up the bandwidth for update downloads. Nothing is causing this but silliness.
OH GOD IT'S DONE!!! Here's the best part.....NOW it tells me "Say buddy, this might take a little more time than usual!". Heyyyy Thanks for letting me know!!!!!! Not trying to tell anyone their jobs, but it might have been helpful for little ole' BigNutz if that little nugget was either included in the Update Settings page, or even snail mailed from Antarctica at this rate.
Come on Microsoft, you're losing your edge. DO BETTER!
My name is BigNutz, and I approve EVERY WORD of this message!
And yes, it was a nickname given to me in the Army and NO it's not referencing some weird physical defamatory. You guys are nasty for even thinking that! GROSS!