The Joke thread

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  1. Emma's Avatar
    Posts : 298
    W 7 desktop Home Premium 64 - OS
       #11

    Trouble
    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
    She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
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  2. Chuck38's Avatar
    Posts : 17,133
    Windows 10
       #12

    Emma said:
    Trouble
    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
    She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
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  3. Emma's Avatar
    Posts : 298
    W 7 desktop Home Premium 64 - OS
       #13

    You icon made me laugh more than the joke. I used to collect jokes and send them by snail mail to my sister in law's husband. She said she could hear him laughing no matter where she was in the house. It's fun to make people laugh, laughter is therapy for the soul.
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  4. Borg 386's Avatar
    Posts : 29,684
    Win 7 32, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1 64 Pro, Win 10 64 Education Edition
       #14

    There's a band called 1023MB.

    They haven't had any gigs yet.

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  5. Chuck38's Avatar
    Posts : 17,133
    Windows 10
       #15

    Borg 386 said:
    There's a band called 1023MB.

    They haven't had any gigs yet.

    Hehehe.. good one.
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  6. dencal's Avatar
    Posts : 3,075
    W10 Pro + W10 Preview
       #16

    A joke thread


    BLOND IN CHURCH.
    An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

    No one moved.

    The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

    Again, all was quiet.

    Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

    The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

    Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
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  7. Posts : 46
    64-bit 10240 10 Pro
       #17

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  8. Posts : 46
    64-bit 10240 10 Pro
       #18

    Psychiatrist vs Bartender

    EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under my bed!! I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy”.

    “Just put yourself in my hands for one year”, said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears”.

    “How much do you charge?”

    “Eighty dollars per visit”, replied the doctor.

    “I'll sleep on it”, I said.

    Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

    “Well, Eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck”.

    “Is that so?” with a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

    “He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now”.

    FORGET THE SHRINKS. HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER!
    IT"S ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND OPINION
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  9. Emma's Avatar
    Posts : 298
    W 7 desktop Home Premium 64 - OS
       #19

    Love the bartender joke, just sent it on to my Sis in Ohio. I needed a good laugh and got it. Thanks
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  10. dencal's Avatar
    Posts : 3,075
    W10 Pro + W10 Preview
       #20

    Blonde Joke


    A blonde was crossing the road when she got struck by a car
    The driver quickly rushed over to check if she was okay.
    I can,t see straight she wailed, everything is all blurred.
    The worried driver leaned over her and said, how many fingers have I got up?
    Oh no! cried the blonde, don't tell me I'm paralysed from the waist down too!
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