Hi, I think a joke thread will be fun.
Obviously no racist jokes or overtly crude jokes.
So here we go as a starter for 10
Did you hear about the hypochondriac who went to a champagne party?
Why did the man give a name to his penis?
Because he didn't want a stranger making most of his decisions for him.
Why did Cereberus tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
Why does congress have as much meat as Arbys?
Because something's really fishy with all these turkeys playing chicken in a beef over pork.
Damn politicians
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked
about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the
shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card
and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he
tries to pay his bil l, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very
happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and
'Becoming More Successful'.
Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill
the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
How is a PC like an air conditioner?
Neither will work when you open windows.
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought this was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Three Oxford Dons were sunbathing on banks of Isis (Thames) when they saw the Vice Principal walking along.
The Sports Don jumped and tried to run away but not fast enough.
The History Don sheepishly covered his vitals with a towel.
The Logic Don put a towel over his head.
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Q: How many politicians does it make to change a light bulb?
A: None as lightbulbs never break.
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